The Power of Forgiveness: Choosing Peace Over Pain

This post is inspired by “A Visit With My Past” a testimony of healing and forgiven from my Fiery Proof Woman stories.

Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn’t just wash over you suddenly like a wave—it is a deliberate act of the will, a decision you must make repeatedly.

I often reflect on the sounds of my past—the echoes of experiences that shaped me. The rhythm of life, sometimes confident and sure, other times hesitant and uncertain, reminds me that every step forward is a choice.

People often tell me I am strange. They wonder why my face lights up when I speak of challenges I’ve faced. They can’t understand how I can pray more for those who wounded me than I pray for myself. And yet, here I am, still smiling—a smile that once trembled under the weight of pain. I often ask, “Lord, why am I so civilized?”

The answer? I am at peace.

Years ago, I discovered the profound joy that comes from making peace with the past. This peace is evident in the lightness of my steps, the confidence in my posture, and the steady rhythm of my heart aligned with God’s purpose.

When Forgiveness Is Tested

Recently, my journey of forgiveness faced a test I never anticipated.

My ex-husband, whom I had forgiven long ago, announced his remarriage. As I listened to my daughter’s conversation with him, I processed the reality that my “moving on” had looked very different from his.

For me, moving on meant embracing the role of sole guardian, provider, mentor, and friend to our daughter. It meant praying over her fears, securing her future, and being her safe place. For him, moving on meant finding a new partner.

Then my daughter asked me something unexpected: “Mom, want us to go and surprise Daddy at his wedding?”

Without hesitation, I said, “If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.”

I watched as people around me reacted with astonishment.

“Are you okay?” “Would you really attend?” “That’s… civilized.”

Yes, it was. And it was also God’s doing. I didn’t know when He had transformed my heart so completely, but I was grateful. He had given me the strength to walk in grace, to choose peace over bitterness.

The Wedding Day and the “How Dare You” Moment

As I sat in the church, the hymn “In Your Hands” filled the room. The lyrics pierced my heart in a way they never had before. I silently prayed, “Lord, help him to be faithful.”

Then, as vows were exchanged, I heard my ex commit to being a father to his new wife’s children. The words echoed in my mind: How can he be a father to someone else’s children when our daughter has longed for his presence? I looked at my daughter, wondering what was going through her young, impressionable mind.

Then his new wife declared she was ready to be a mother to his children—one of whom was my daughter. A woman who had never reached out to my child was suddenly stepping into a parental role.

The days that followed brought an unexpected flood of emotions. Messages from my ex’s new family poured in, welcoming my daughter into their family. And even then, my response was gracious: “Acknowledge them, my dear.”

But inside, something was stirring.

How dare you?

How dare you move on while I am still rebuilding?

How dare you provide for another household while I brave life’s storms for our daughter?

How dare you?

Choosing Peace Again

The weight of those emotions nearly crushed me. I felt drained, overcome by self-pity. But then, I reached out to two dear friends—women who had walked this path before me. They reassured me that my feelings were normal, that my “how dare you” moment was part of the process.

And with that, I took a deep breath. I straightened my back, steadied my feet, and lifted my hands in surrender.

I chose peace again.

I share this with you because I know I am not alone.

Many of you have felt the sting of betrayal, the ache of abandonment. Many of you have watched those who wounded you move forward while you struggled to steady your own steps.

I want you to know:

You are not alone. Your feelings are normal. This too shall pass. God sees you, and He is with you.

So, if today you are struggling with forgiveness, I encourage you—choose it. Not for them, but for you. Choose it daily, even when it feels impossible. Choose it because freedom is on the other side.

And when the “how dare you” moments come, stand firm in your faith. Hold your head high. Walk in the rhythm of God’s grace.

Because in the end, the real cost of love is no charge.

Have you struggled with forgiveness? Share your thoughts below. Let’s walk this journey together.

Fiery Proof Woman is a book of forgiveness and healing. In it, I shared some of my most difficult challenges and how by God grace, I became an overcomer.