“For the nine months I carried you holding inside me no charge…
For the nights I sat up with you doctored you prayed for you no charge…
For the time and the tears and the costs through the years…
There is no charge…
When you add it all up the full cost of my love is no charge…” Shirley Caesar
My Story
Overcoming Fear Through Love: A Christian Mother’s Journey
It feels like just yesterday that I was a ten-year-old girl who wanted nothing to do with motherhood. The horror stories I heard about childbirth—indescribable pain, indifferent medical staff, and terrifying operating room mishaps—made having children my greatest fear. I often wondered why my mother and great-aunt willingly subjected themselves to such suffering, having eight and fourteen children, respectively.
Fast forward fourteen years, and I found myself married to a man who adored children. He often spoke of having his very own “daddy’s girl.” That was when I faced a defining moment—I had to make a selfless choice. I had to surrender my fear of pain, discomfort, and hospital stays for something greater: the opportunity to receive what I now describe as one of God’s most precious gifts—the blessing of motherhood.
A Journey of Faith and Surrender
I assumed getting pregnant would be as easy as one, two, three, but it wasn’t. It took years of prayer, trying, and tears before the long-awaited moment arrived. However, pregnancy was not what I had expected. My appetite vanished for the first two months, and the smell of food was unbearable. I became an unintentional vegan, unable to tolerate meat or dairy. I even went through my first Christmas without the taste of pork ham—an unimaginable feat for me!
As my pregnancy progressed, I slowly realized that this journey was no longer about me. The little life growing inside me dictated when I ate, when I slept, and how I lived my days. Before even meeting her, I loved her endlessly. I read aloud so she could hear my voice, played music to create a joyful environment, and laughed more than ever before so she would grow to love the sound of happiness.
Love Without Limits
By the time my daughter was born, she had completely won me over. I had never known love like this before. As I beheld her for the first time, the words of Psalm 23 came to my heart: “My cup runneth over.” My life as I knew it was changed forever.
From the very beginning, she clung to me. She would only sleep if she could feel my body’s warmth. From the day of her birth in May 2002 until September 2010, my daughter slept either on my stomach or curled up beside me. Even after moving to her own bed, she often asked me to leave my door open for easy access. Now, as a young adult, there are still nights when she asks to sleep in my room, simply because being close to me gives her comfort and peace.
A Bond Like No Other
In an era where many teenagers pull away from their parents, I consider it a divine privilege to have raised a young adult who cherishes my presence as much as I cherish hers. Our home is never short on love. We exchange the words “I love you” multiple times a day, and our laughter rings out through the walls of our home, so much so that neighbors must wonder if other mothers and daughters share such joy.
Now that she is older, she sees more clearly how rare and beautiful our bond is. She calls me by many names—Karen, Girl, Ma, Mama, Mommy, Miss James, HR—depending on the moment. While some may not understand the dynamic of our relationship, it works perfectly for us.
Faith, Growth, and the Hand of God
Some of my most treasured memories are of our family devotion times. I loved hearing her sweet prayers to our “Somebody Bigger” on our behalf. Even when we are apart, our text message conversations reveal a wisdom and maturity beyond her years. I often found myself wondering, Who is this child? Her words of encouragement, the deep questions she asked, and her ability to express love so effortlessly reassured me that I was doing a remarkable job raising her on my own.
Had I not conquered my fears in the name of love, my life would have been half empty. I thought I was becoming a mother for her father’s sake, but I now realize it was always for me. Love has produced in her an affectionate, nurturing, and mature young woman. She is a stabilizing force in my life; my choices are made with her in mind.
It is fair to say that I live for her and then for myself.
The Priceless Cost of Love
Through it all, I have learned this: when you add it all up, the real cost of love is no charge.
Reflection Questions:
- Have you ever faced a fear that turned into your greatest blessing?
- How has God shown His love to you through relationships in your life?
- In what ways can you deepen the bonds with your loved ones?
Let’s continue the conversation in the comments! I’d love to hear your thoughts.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” – Psalm 127:3ke my heart sing.”